Writing with Kids


copyright 2010, aaron paul lazar

I've written hundreds of articles about the craft of writing, the world of publishing, the aching sense of loneliness we writerw sometimes endure as solitary artists, and so many more writing life topics… But I haven't ever written about children and their heads-full-of-stories.

I’m going to admit something to you. I’m an old fuddy duddy. At least when it comes to kids and their upbringing. If you’ve read any of my “slice of life” articles where I share stories about my grandkids, you already know that I believe kids should be outside, playing. Simply playing. They should be using their imaginations, climbing trees, picking wild blackberries, throwing balls, and running. Lots of running is important.  

My childhood was full of those activities and more. I was lucky enough to have an old chestnut gelding, and we roamed the woods and fields alone and with friends for most of my young years.

So, here it is: winter 2010, we STILL have no snow to frolic in, and I see my grandsons playing this godawful Xbox 360 (or whatever the heck it’s called!). So, I get crazy. I hate seeing them pretending to drive, bomb, kick, hit, stab or whatever it is those stupid games allow them to do. I REALLY hate it. But they aren’t mine to raise (not 100%, anyway, LOL) and I have to tolerate some of this stuff that comes with their generation.

This week, however, I decided to lure them away with the idea of making a book together. Julian helped me with chapter 1 and part of chapter 2; Gordie took over midway through chapter 2, and then it snowballed. I typed and helped them by asking questions like, “and what did they see in the green puddle?” and “what did the billy goat say to the boy?” etc. Each boy wanted to write a chapter every night. We got up to chapter four, and then they had to leave to go to their daddy’s house. We’ll add more next week when they come back. They drew pictures on the computer, and we printed them out to use in our “book.” We made four copies of it for various members of the family, and they erupted in peals of laughter every time a new victim read the story.

I can’t tell you how much fun it was, but thought for a lark I’d share some of our unedited creations below. Now, if we were writing this for a real storybook, I might have jumped in more and suggested some funny twists. But really, it was funny enough to see what came out of their little boy minds. I even left in all the exclamation marks that I HAD to include because of how they yelled out the sentences with such excitement on their faces. ;o) I had a blast, and hope you’ll get a kick out of it, too.

Billy and His Friends, by Julian and Gordon Martin

Chapter One

Billy was walking down the street one day. He saw a green puddle, and he jumped in it! The puddle went all the way to Chinatown. Billy got hungry, and ate all of the eggrolls in Chinatown, ‘cause he was so hungry!

His tummy got so big, it was as big as a pumpkin house. Then he got very sleepy, and fell asleep in the grass on the side of the road.

A billy goat woke him up and said, “Will you be my friend, Billy?”

Billy said, “Sure! But what’s your name?”

“My name is Billy Goat Filly.”

“We have the same name!”

“Yes, but you can call me Billy Goat.”

Along came a brown horse, named Connie. She nickered and stood beside them. On her head was a horsefly named Goofy. Goofy had a very large nose, and she honked loudly when she blew it.

“Honk! Honk!” said Goofy.

“Do you have a cold, Goofy?” asked Billy.

Goofy said, “No, it’s just my big nose.”

Billy and Billy Goat wanted a ride on Connie’s back. Billy asked, “Can we have a ride on you?”

Connie said, “No goat is going to ride me. Billy Goat is too big. But you can have a ride, Billy.”

Billy hopped on her back and they cantered away to the land of giant gumdrops that looked like hills. Purple, orange, yellow, green, pink, and red candies glowed at night. Billy ate so much candy, he got a tummy ache. The other animals helped him with his stomachache by giving him Tums and rubbing lavender, ginger, and peppermint oils on him.

They traveled a long purple road through the candy forest to the land of teensy tiny babies. Babies crawled everywhere, crying “Mama!” and “Papa!” and “Daddy!” and “Gordie!” and “Gramma!” and “Julian!” 

Chapter Two

Billy, Billy Goat, Connie, and Goofy, all made bottles for the babies with strawberry milk inside. The babies drank it for nineteen hours. Then they slept for a long time.

Billy got back on Connie, and Goofy landed on Billy Goat for a ride. They headed across the river to the land of the blue herons. One hundred herons were flying above them and they went down and landed on a blue pond with fish inside and they ate the fish, because they love fish! 

Billy, Connie, Goofy, and Billy Goat, went on a purple boat that was really super big! It had a living room, bedroom, kitchen, dining room, and robots in it! And sometimes the silly robots danced on the deck! They sang “Chaka WEE!” and “Mmm mmm MMM mmm” and “Tikka weowww.” Suddenly, they all looked up and saw giant yellow birds flying down, trying to get the robots into the water because they were trying to hurt the people and animals on the boat!

The animals and Billy tried to swim to shore, because the boat was sinking! They almost made it to beach, then the huge wave pushed them onto the sand.

Chapter Three

When they all reached the shore, a big wave came and pushed them into a tree. They thought it tickled! It was so big, it pushed them up to the leaves! They took all of the other trees, cut them up, and made a big treehouse so they could live there!

They made swings so they could jump in the water and swim! Even Connie swam, with Goofy flying in circles over their heads to make them spin around and get dizzy. When they were hungry, they swam to shore and ran to MacDonalds, because they were SO hungry, they wanted to eat fries and hamburgers. They wanted to drink Mountain Dew, but a big angel came down from the sky and said, “Do not drink the Mountain Dew, it is full of caffeine! And it’s not good for children.” They listened, but they didn’t want to listen, so they secretly drank the Mountain Dew.

Then, they were WILD from the caffeine. So wild, they accidentally ran into the angel, and knocked her down! They helped her by giving her Mountain Dew to drink, and now SHE was wild! She flew around in crazy circles, fast as an airplane speed limit.

They punched themselves into the sky and landed at Chuckie Cheeses, where they played video games. Connie didn’t have fingers, she had hooves, so she used her teeth to play the games. Billy played the shooting game, and he got a million trillion billion tickets. Then, they got homesick, and wanted to go back to their treehouse.

When the got home, they found Santa Claus in their treehouse!

Billy said, “Santa!” and he hugged him.

Santa said, “Billy! I need your help! I have a problem!”

Billy Goat, Connie, and Goofy asked, “What is it?”

Santa said, “I can’t figure out what present goes to who!”

The Angel said, “to whom!” (okay, so I added this line… hee hee)

They all laughed.

Santa sat down in the corner and cried. He was so tired and sleepy. He fell fast asleep.

While he was sleeping, they all took the presents and opened them and kept them.

Chapter Four

After Santa slept for ten million hours, a hedgehog came into the tree house and yelled, “Santa! Santa! Santa!” Santa didn’t wake up.

Then a second hedgehog came in and yelled, “Billy! Billy! Billy!” Billy was too busy playing with the stolen presents.

Then a third hedgehog came in and yelled, “ARRRRRRRR! Why did you steal from Santa? Now all the children won’t get their presents!”

Billy felt really bad, and re-wrapped all the presents and put them back in Santa’s sack. Then Connie said, “Let’s help Santa figure out who gets what presents.”

Billy said, “Okay!”

After Santa flew off in his sleigh with his new list and all his presents and reindeer, the four friends hopped down from the tree and decided to go to South America. They took a plane and said to the pilot, “We want to drive this plane.”

So, they pushed the pedals and Billy Goat Filly steered the plane. When they landed, they heard a big CRACK! The airplane cracked and a wing fell off. But they were all right.

They saw a giant snake trying to eat them. Billy Goat Filly stomped as hard as he could on the snake and it hurt a LOT. The snake was so scared, his tail fell off. Then a BIGGER snake came and he said, “Hey, Ding Dong, Billy Goat Filly! Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Bing Bing!”

Billy said, “I’ll give you lollypops if you snakes go away.”

The snakes said, “Okay. We love lollypops.”

Now the four friends headed for a giant waterfall. By accident, they all fell over it, and splashed into the water below. They started swimming, and they landed on an island, where they found coconut trees, bananas, and pineapples.

“Yummy! We will eat all of the pineapples, bananas, and coconuts,” said Goofy and Billy.

After they ate, they found a cave with diamonds and emeralds and pineapples in it. Suddenly, a dragon came into the cave and blew fire at them. He said, “Why are you taking my pineapples. That’s my dinner!”

The four friends said, “Sorry, we didn’t mean to take your dinner.”

The dragon said, “I don’t want your apology.” He blew more green, blue, yellow, pink, and purple fire at them. “Bad boy, Billy Goat Filly!”

They all ran away from the dragon, and flew back home to their treehouse to plan their next adventure.

The end (for now)

***

I had to work a little hard with Gordie to try to gently redirect the the fighting and hitting and chasing and fire blowing. Julian was more willing to come up with topics like the candy land with all the babies crawling around. He also likes the fighting topic, but has a wider variety of interests.

It cracked me up to see Gordie’s little voice coming out in the story, especially when he talked about the robots, Santa, and the dragon. I guess you’d have to know these precious boys to appreciate it the way I did. As an aside, however, I’m the one who’s always telling them they can’t drink soda (the Mountain Dew comment). I laughed that they made my comments coming from the poor angel. LOL.

Have you tried this with the kids in your lives? Give it a try. It’s really an eye-opener. And who knows, it might kick start your own creativity!

Whatever you do today on this Superbowl Sunday, whether it's immersing yourself in watching the game, whipping up treats for those were are doing so, or just enjoying another Sunday at home, be sure allow some writing time. And remember to write like the wind!

                                                                                                                       - Aaron

writing and photos copyright 2010, aaron paul lazar                           


When I first started publishing my novels, I was advised by a sage web promoter to "write articles, lots of articles!" She went on to say, "Post them on your website for free, you'll be amazed at how much back traffic you'll generate."


I started to follow her advice. My first piece was requested by a writing blog. The subject: "A Writer's Life." After that, they seemed to flow out of me. I talked about my book signings (with advice on 'how to'), about our family traumas, funny slice of life stories, writing crises, writing tips, and more. Now, with over a hundred articles under my belt, I don't post them all on my website for free. 


Why? Mostly, it's because they end up in the weirdest, bizarre places, and they're often mutilated by God-knows-what kind of internet robot translators! 


Yesterday, I came across a google alert for my LeGarde Mystery series in this, of all places:Florida_Retirement_System. It was supposed to be a piece I wrote way back in 2005, called, "When I Grow Up." Ha. I guess they scanned it and saw the last line, which said, "I wanna be retired when I grow up."


Anyway, I cracked up when I read it. Except where they had inserted a few swear words (not copied below). I try to make all my writings wholesome, something I can show my daughters and grandkids without flinching, you know? Well, except maybe for a few tastefully steamy scenes I added toMazurka after I realized they weren't even reading my books. LOL! Other than that, I got a chuckle out of the following excerpts. See what you think?

***

"I designed to tracheophyte every garden on the grounds. There would be no stragglers mitt stagnant when I was through!" 


(original: I planned to weed every garden on the grounds.  There would be no stragglers left standing when I was through!)

***

"And, prizewinning of all, I would completely spot my proofs for Upstaged, the ordinal aggregation in the LeGarde Mystery Series. Due 'any period now,' I’d been promised that they’d come meet in instance for my carefully designed hiatus. When ended with Upstaged, I’d impact on Counterpoint, the ordinal book, and indite until my fingers cramped or I became a mummified author, affixed to the laptop with a vitrified countenance of revel on my grotesque mug." 


(original: And, best of all, I would completely scour my proofs for Upstaged, the second book in the LeGarde Mystery Series.  Due “any day now,” I’d been promised that they’d arrive just in time for my carefully planned hiatus. When finished with Upstaged, I’d work on Counterpoint, the ninth book, and write until my fingers cramped or I became a mummified author, glued to the laptop with a glazed expression of delight on my ugly mug.)   

***

"Julian, digit and a half, is a moving dervish who actually helps me in the gardens and keeps up a constant, pleasing prate that offers genuine companionship. He attacks the band with relish, and has begun to discern the disagreement between the noodle plants and the pigweed." 


(original: Julian, two and a half, is a whirling dervish who actually helps me in the gardens and keeps up a constant, delightful chatter that offers true companionship.  He attacks the weeds with relish, and has begun to recognize the difference between the bean plants and the pigweed.)

***

"Both boys plead for rides on the lawn tractor, and we pay some an distance sport around the grounds, hunting beneath baritone ornamentation branches and plucking ripened gooseberries and blueberries from the bushes that we pass."


(original: Both boys beg for rides on the lawn tractor, and we spend many an hour riding around the grounds, ducking beneath low hanging branches and plucking ripe gooseberries and blueberries from the bushes that we pass.)  

***

It goes on and on. But the funniest lines were from my old bio, which they only partially copied. (At least my website was there, but frankly, I'm not so sure I'm glad about that after this travesty!)

"Aaron Apostle Lazar lives in Upstate New royalty with his wife, threesome daughters, digit grandsons, mother-in- law, digit dogs, and threesome cats. After composition in the primeval farewell hours..."

and:

"Additional passions allow gardening, preparing super kinsfolk feasts, photography ..."

and last but not least: 

"Although he worshipped upbringing his threesome pleasing daughters, Mr. Lazar finds grandfathering his 'two lowercase buddies' to be digit of the best experiences of his life."

***

Heh. Can you beat that? I caught my 18 month old granddaughter at the keyboard the other day. Think she had anything to do with it? She looks guilty, doesn't she?

I think I'll go prepare a super kinsfolk feast for my two lowercase buddies now.  

- Aaron "Apostle" Lazar

Hello, friends.

In our family, we’ve always managed to get through the traumas and tears by holding on to each other and praying. A lot. My own philosophy, as you’ve heard many times, is to “take pleasure in the little things,” and most of the time it works pretty well. Since I’ve been laid off, (and trying to stem the tide of worries about finding a job), I inhaled the fragrance of baby Isabella’s curly blond hair, took extra hugs from my grandsons Julian and Gordie, reveled in my gardens, fixed a ton of stuff around the house, and allowed myself the pure pleasure of writing like a madman for eight months. With two more books under my belt, I thought I'd managed to handle the stress fairly well. (hint: whenever you start to get too pleased with yourself, hold on. Life is about to change!)

And so my life took a plunge. Daughter Jenn arrived at our home last Saturday with a fever of 104, dizzy, and delirious. We put her to bed, gave her some Advil , and watched her. She’d had some vomiting and diarrhea in the morning. (I know, too much information, but it's important that you recognize the symptoms!) We got the fever down to 103.5, and put her to bed for a good night’s sleep. We all thought it was the flu, and that we’d have to ride it out.

a

The next morning, her fever was 105.3. Alarm bells triggered in my head – loudly. I got her to the ER at 9:30 that morning, much against her fervent desire to stay home in bed and nurse whatever it was in peace and quiet.

To make a long story short, Jenn had toxic shock syndrome (which men and menopausal women can get, too, by the way). Her BP was extremely low when we got to the ER (77 over 39) and we later found out she was septic, which means her blood was infected. This all happened in less than 24 hours. After a week of touch and go, they finally isolated the bacteria (Orsa) that invaded her body, and saved her. Additional symptoms were a bright red itchy rash on day 2, swollen fingers, toes, and face, disorientation, and severe head pain. I found out yesterday (when we brought her home), that if we’d arrived one HOUR later, she likely wouldn’t have made it.

My dear daughter came home today. She’s thin and pale and exhausted, but she’s alive.

So this holiday season I beg of you all – if you have any symptoms at all like those mentioned above, get to the ER immediately. If you’re wrong and it’s “just the flu,” so be it. But at least you’ll have a fighting chance.

Toxic shock syndrome is rare – most of the docs hadn’t seen it but once or twice in their lives. But it’s usually deadly, because people think it will run its course.

a

On the job front... ahem. Yes. The illusive job quest. While I searched all spring, summer, and fall for work in the engineering field, I found... nothing.

The loss of self-image was salvaged only by my life as a writer, by my amazing readers and their loving comments, and by my family and friends. But the old ego did take a tremendous blow, particularly when months and months passed with no return calls for jobs I’d applied for and no prospects knocking on the proverbial door.

Writing provides a nice subsidy, but it isn’t enough to survive on – yet. Until then, I need a “day” job that will cushion us until LeGarde Mysteries (or one of its spinoffs!) hits the best seller list! So, I’ve taken life by its horns and will go back to earn a masters degree in either social work or mental health counseling. I know, this is a far cry from engineering, but helping people through therapy is something I’ve always been drawn to, and the idea of dealing with people all day instead of machines is intensely appealing. It will mean taking more than half of our life savings to accomplish, but it’s an investment in our future where nothing else appears to be on the horizon. Some day I hope to hang out a shingle for my private practice.

Have no fear, I will continue to write like the wind and provide you with many more years of entertainment, God willing.

Book News:

Mazurka was officially released in Sept. 2009, and was just submitted by my publisher to the esteemed “Edgar Awards.” I’m thrilled that Lida Quillen believes in my work. Meanwhile, I’ve had scores of very generous and validating reviews, and am ever grateful for you, my readers, and your continued support.

Firesong: an unholy grave, was accepted for publication and is slated for late summer next year.

Healey’s Cave (formerly “The Green Marble”), will be released in late spring 2010, and will kick off the “Moore Mystery” series. Its two sequels, One Potato, Blue Potato, and For Keeps, will be offered one per year after that.

I have lots of books to go back to and refurbish before subbing to my publisher, including the follow-ons to Firesong – Virtuoso, Portamento, Counterpoint, Lady Blues, and Don’t Let the Wind Catch You. That work is more like drudgery, but I know it’s important to polish these manuscripts and get them in the queue.

I’ve just started submitting For the Birds, the standalone paranormal mystery set in the Adirondack Mountains, to big NYC agents. No bites yet, but one must be extremely patient and persevere in this soft publishing market. Wish me luck!

I know it’s a little late (the last two weeks have been hell), but if you’d like to order any of the four LeGarde Mysteries for Christmas, I’ll give you a break on the price and am offering free shipping. Double Forte’ and Upstaged trade paperbacks are twenty bucks each, and Tremolo and Mazurka are fifteen each. Just email me at aaron.lazar@yahoo.com with the book title(s), to whom you want them inscribed, and your address. Send a check made out to Aaron Lazar at 5647 Groveland Hill Road, Geneseo, NY 14454 for payment. I’ll ship them out immediately so you can have them for Christmas. ;o)

Here's another very classy Christmas idea. Give someone a set of Young Living Essential Oils for the holidays.

I’ve become besotted with therapeutic grade essential oils, so much so that I’ve signed up to become a distributor.These oils (light and not sticky) are produced from plants, trees, shrubs, etc. and are distilled in an ancient, time-honored process. They're grown organically on Dr. Gary Young's four farms in Ecuador, Provence, Utah, and Idaho under stringent quality control processes.

Basic oils such as peppermint, lemon, frankincense, lavender, eucalyptus, spruce, etc. etc have changed our lives. My family and friends are finding health and emotional benefits galore, and I’m so stuck on them that I can’t imagine life without my “oils.” Tons of hospitals now use them in conjunction with traditional meds to treat patients and to sanitize their facilities.

 

If you’d like to read about my “oil” stories (true testaments to the benefits I’ve seen in person), check out my “Esentially Yours” oil blog at : www.pureoils.blogspot.com. You can also read about and order the oils for Christmas at my official website:

 

http://aaronlazar.younglivingworld.com. (If you sign up as a distributor, you can buy wholesale for 24% off.)

The bottom line is we’re finding relief for headaches, muscle aches, sore body parts, skin problems, cold sores, mood lifters, stress relief, and so much more, including bumping up our immunity to disease using pure and natural products the Lord put on this earth. I don’t want to spend too much time in this newsletter raving about them, but needless to say I also now have an “oils” newsletter which I’d love to send you if you’re interested. Just email me and I’ll add you to the list. ;o)

And yes, I'm planning a whole book revolving around essential oils - a sequel to For the Birds that will involve ancient Egyptian rites and biblical oils - it promises to be a blast.

 

Events

Dr. Ni Radio Show:Poetry, Prose and Everything Goes December 14, 4PM EST

Pioneer Librarian Annual Meeting, Canandaigua, NY

December 15, 10:30 AM

Kim Smith Radio Show    Introducing Writers

December 17th 8:30 PM EST

Recent Articles/Columns

On Life:

Paradise, Part 1

Paradise, Part 2

Paradise, Part 3

The Power of Dogs

I Do Believe in Spooks!

On Writing:

When a Writer's Laptop Goes Kerplunk

Finding Time to Write

Congratulations to Twilight Times Books!

Mazurka, at long last!

Wyoming Writes: Face to Face with Writers

What Motivates You to Write?

What Scares You?

Your Preface: what it is, when to write it

For Writers: Let Emotions Drive Your Next Plot

("It's Over")

Response to "It's Over"

Book Review:

Struck: A Brilliant Paranormal Thriller

About the Oils:

An Uncomfortable Subject - with a surprising solution

Goodbye to Headaches

Essentially Yours: More Oil Discoveries, I'm in Heaven

Lemon Oil: A Multidimensional Product

 

Thank you all for your support throughout the year. Here’s wishing you a happy and healthy holiday season!

Aaron Paul Lazar

AWARDS

Preditors&Editors Top10 Finalist

Yolanda Renee's Top Ten Books 2008

MYSHELF Top Ten Reads 2008

Murderby4: Writers' Digest Top 101 Website Award 2009

 

WEBSITES

www.legardemysteries.com

www.mooremysteries.com

www.murderby4.blogspot.com

www.aaronlazar.blogspot.com

www.aplazar.gather.com

www.pureoils.blogspot.com

http://aaronlazar.younglivingworld.com

Response to “It’s Over.” (this piece was published a few weeks ago - read it first if you have't yet.


Copyright 2009, aaron paul lazar


When I found you that morning in the barn – your neck encircled in that rope, all purple and swollen – you were barely breathing. If it hadn’t been for that rotten beam, you would have died, my friend. It makes me shudder just to think of the horrible possibility.

If you had been successful… I hate to think of it. Never again would we sit in your glider, admiring your beautiful flower gardens, and exploring deep thoughts that pass the time so pleasantly. My heart breaks to think of that ending.

Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me you were sad? And why didn’t I notice when we sat and talked in front of your woodstove drinking your superb Riesling and chatting about art? I hadn’t the slightest hint of your inner demons, and you know I pride myself on being observant of human nature.

You have so much to offer the world. Your kinds eyes and gentle manner have soothed many a child. I brag about your sumptuous gardens to all my friends. You have a superb eye for photography and I know someday you’ll be world-renowned, with a coffee table book filled with amazing photographs of the wild.

But most of all, you are a writer who enthralls, thrills, comforts, and teaches. I fell in love with your characters in your first book, and it’s still my favorite. I know some day your books will line the shelves of bookstores world wide, and that they’ll fill people’s homes and hearts. That’s why I keep your books locked in ziplock bags and put them away for safety. I know they’ll be treasures in the future. It frustrates me to no end that you haven’t been “discovered” yet, at least in the best-seller realm.

I know you’ve been worried about the job hunt. I’ve been so worried that you’ll jump in a new direction that won’t support your primary role as an author. That would not be good for you, or the world. It would be a disaster! Sure, you’d be good at all those things you keep thinking up, but what you are is a writer! Now’s the time to prove that to the agents, to push like hell and get them to recognize your value! Please don’t let the job hunt interfere with your true calling.

As I sit here by your hospital bed and watch you struggle to breathe, I feel like the world’s worst failure. What could I have done to have prevented this?


Carl

P.S. Did I ever tell you that you're my best friend in the world?

***

Note: This is the response to the piece I posted a few weeks ago from the man who was literally at his rope's end. I wrote it to illustrate how communication is so often lost between two people, and how misinterpretations can lead to horrific endings. Let me know you think, below.

Hi, Folks!

Here's hoping those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving has a wonderful holiday. We sure did - I cooked for the whole family and it was a fantastic day with my wife, mother-in-law, three daughters, the grandkids, Balto, and Toby. And yes, the food I made was exactly the same as Gus prepares in Upstaged, the second LeGarde mystery!

If you're not off shopping at the malls (LOL), please join me today (Saturday, 11-28-09) on Barry Eva's radio show "A Book and a Chat" from 11:00-11:30 EST. We'll have a lovely talk about my latest books, writing, and whatever else comes up in this friendly half hour. We'd love to have you in the audience! Just click on the link from your computer, and turn up the sound. Hope to see you there. ;o)


Aaron

P.S. Sunday, Nov. 29th: You can listen to the recorded show here:  Podcast

It’s over.

No longer will I hold my arms open and welcome you to my home as “friend,” waiting for your eyes to bore into me and squash me to the ground.

No longer will I seat you in my room of treasures, wondering if you’ll ever notice the soft patina of the cherry wood, or comment on the colors so carefully blended, or the subtle beauty of the cherished Oriental handed down by ancestors long lost while you gloat about your friend’s lovely homes.

No longer will I pour you a glass of my best wine–hoping it bears up under your scrutiny–and gently place it beside you while you vomit your latest accomplishment as I smile and listen and… grovel.

I hate that about myself, but I was raised to be polite. But damn it, you never stop talking.

Nor will I listen to your long list of accomplishments or acquisitions, feeling belittled and betrayed by your absence of empathy. Do you ever detect that flicker of annoyance in my eyes? That glazed-over “help me” expression?

Of course not. You don’t look at me. You hold your wine in those long brown fingers and talk about yourself while your own dark eyes glow in appreciation of your own words.

Do you ever notice how much you talk? How I sit and nod and say the appropriate things to each of your new revelations? How I try to squeeze in a sentence or two and am immediately ground under your wheels in your constant games of one-up-manship?

No longer will I be forced to bear your words responding to my latest decision to try something–anything–instead of wallowing in this land of no-one-wants-me. Never is my new-found passion the "right thing for me," the appropriate interest, the proper fit.

Yet, when I try to force you to listen by gently prodding you, kidding you, making you take notice of my latest interest–you chide me and say you’re surprised I hadn’t learned about this when I lived in Boston 30 years ago, where everyone was doing it. Your knowledge in the field is deep and well renowned. So you say. Once again, I am belittled. Once again, I plunge into an abyss of worthlessness.

When I discover an interest in working with the disabled, you frown and say I haven’t the skills. “Who would hire you? You have no experience.” You toss out your own dalliances in the field as cavalierly as you can, bragging about famous connections. No, you find fault with it all, and tell me with tongue in cheek that maybe I should try… being an author.

Damn, that stings.

I mention my newest book, a saucy expression crosses your face and you say with near distain I liked your first book better, when everyone else disagrees.

Your words seem to matter, cut deeper, than all the praise in the world. Why?

Still, I hand you signed copies of all my novels. You never offer to pay for them, even when you stop by to pick one up to give to a friend. And when I mention the price, your eyebrows shoot to the moon, as if shocked I actually would charge you, my privileged friend. So I back down and donate it, once again.

You frown at me for not being a best-selling author yet, and tell me about your friends who are. You say, “You need national coverage,” as if I haven’t been trying for years to get there, to sell a hundred thousand books in a year. You show me hardcover books with jackets and gold printing and say, “that’s how your books should appear,” as if I WANT my books forever released in trade paperback.

You show up unannounced, and expect me to stop dinner, or playtime with grandkids, or my outdoor projects, to stand and nod my head and say, “Wow,” with every new announcement, for grueling hours at a time.

Yet I call you friend. Yet I know you believe you’re doing me a favor by granting me the privilege of your experience and advice. And yet tonight, I don’t care.

Of course that’s a lie. I hate myself for being your doormat. I hate it worse than the rejection I got yesterday from Home Depot. And I hate it more than being a scientist with years of brilliant discoveries, elegant solutions, with scores of patents lining my walls. Overqualified, undervalued.

That’s me.

I care so much it woke me up tonight and made me walk outside to the barn.

When you stand at my grave, will you bow your head in a knowing fashion and say, “I knew he was fragile?”

Will you have regrets?

Or will you find another patsy to call your friend?

I’ll never send this, because it’s over. And like I said, I was raised better than that.

Sweet relief now rests in my grasp, ready to free me from the failures, but especially from you.

I snap the bristled rope in my hands, testing it to see if it will hold, and glance at the beam overhead.

The swallows make unsettled noises in their nests. They probably wouldn’t hold up to your inspection either.

***

Okay, now let me explain. ;o)

At a recent “career conference” I took a seminar in communication entitled “The Three Deadly Sins: what not to do in a job interview.” It actually didn’t have all that much to do with job hunting, but it was a fascinating session where I bumped into dozens of past colleagues who like me, are still searching for work. It got me thinking about misinterpretations and misunderstandings, and somehow brought me to the idea of letting emotions enlarge to outlandish proportions, and using them to drive a plot.

I worried and wondered about some of the folks I met, especially those who seemed rather fragile. If I–a normally confident guy who had always seen the glass as half full–could be occasionally be reduced to someone who feels worthless during this difficult job hunting time–then what would happen to them? Armed with new intentions to stay in touch and help them along the way, my writer’s mind wandered in not-so-pleasant directions.

I pictured some without family or friends, and how hard it would be to stay upbeat if you were alone. I blended ideas of snippets heard at the conference. One fellow–a scientist–had mentioned being rejected for a job at Home Depot. My heart went out to him, because I’d just applied to Wegmans earlier that week.

Then I read S.W. Vaughn’s letter from her character, Gabriel. While it was tongue-in-cheek and totally delicious, it prompted me to want to write something in that format, especially after getting really ticked off at a guy who calls himself my friend.

I’ve also become enamored in recent times of the use of repetition in writing and played around with it a bit here.

This is what came out. Sometimes it’s fun to let your imagination run a bit rampant.

Will it turn into my next novel? I’m not sure.

(And don’t worry. I’m not holding a rope in my hands.)

***

www.legardemysteries.com
www.mooremysteries.com
www.murderby4.blogspot.com
www.pureoils.blogspot.com
www.aaronlazar.younglivingworld.com
www.aaronlazar.blogspot.com

Goodbye to Headaches

I've suffered from headaches all of my adult life. They're ranged from daily morning headaches that seemed to come from the sinus area, to sharp, knee-buckling migraines that could only be assuaged by sleep. I remember lying on my pillow in a darkened room while Dale tried to keep the little ones quiet downstairs... the noise of my head rubbing against the pillow fabric was torture.

Driving often precipitated a headache, and of course loud television sound tracks were guaranteed to get me going. But most of all, I woke every morning (or in the middle of the night) with throbbing headaches that wouldn't go away.

After suffering for years, and after dealing with my family's more severe health issues that always took the forefront (MS, childhood development issues, teen rebellion issues, etc.) I finally saw a headache specialist.

He prescribed a very strong medicine that had pretty scary side effects. (heart related risks) But I was desperate, so I tried it. I remember him saying it would "get worse before it got better" each time you took it. Driving to work one sunny morning, I took a dose when a headache hit. The head pain grew almost intolerable, then backed off a little. The headache didn't go away completely, and I got very sick to my stomach.

I tried it a few more times, then got so fed up I went to the market and bought and over the counter solution. Advil, blue liquid capsules. I figured if it was over the counter, it couldn't be too bad for you, right? After all, it was just a liquid, too, which should pass through my stomach easily and not cause ulcers or anything. Right? Hmm. Read on.

The Advil helped immediately! Pain was gone and I was thrilled. I started taking it automatically every morning (2 pills) and sometimes two at noon and two at night. I'd take it in the middle of the night to resolve the headaches that woke me up, and it worked. By golly, it worked! It was cheap, and it worked!

Then I saw my doctor for something totally unrelated - a badly strained back. I'd never mentioned the Advil to him, since it was "over the counter" and it was already helping the headaches. Why bother? But this time he recommended an ibuprofen type drug to help the swelling. I told him I'd already increased my Advil to help the pain, but it hadn't helped much. I was taking six Advil a day.

He looked at me with those gentle eyes of his that suddenly grew wary. "How long have you been taking it?"

"Ten years. But not this much. Usually I just take two in the morning and sometimes during the day."

"Every single day?"

"Pretty much."

It was then that reality hit, square between the eyes. He said I was at high risk for developing bleeding ulcers, and that he'd sent many people to the ER who almost died from such because of taking too much aspirin or Advil. He told me I was probably having "rebound" headaches from the Advil, and that my body reacted with headaches when I didn't take it.

Frankly, I didn't believe the rebound bit, but he scared the heck out of me with the stomach ulcer warning. So I stopped. Cold turkey. And I had two weeks of solid head pain.

Eventually, the daily headaches lessened. Some days I didn't have any. But they still showed up and I had to simply tough it out. He was right about the rebound, but the Tylenol he suggested as a solution didn't cut the pain in the least.

So I suffered. Until last spring, when I was waiting to get my hair cut at Lisa Marie's Hair Salon in Livonia, NY. In the middle of reading a newspaper article, I sat straight up in my seat. A scent had wafted over to me from Lisa's station - something so powerful and pleasant and uplifting that I couldn't stay put. I wandered over to her (how bold was that?!?) and asked her what it was. On her table she had a collection of little brown bottles with colorful labels on them. She lifted one to me and let me sniff. Then she put a little on my hand and rubbed it in. I think it was the Thieves blend of essential oils (cloves, cinammon, lemon, rosemary, eucalyptus radiata), or maybe the Christmas Spirit blend (cloves, orange, spruce). I can't remember now. All I remember is that I was attracted to this stuff like a character in a cartoon. It was as if I lifted off the ground and floated toward it, then inhaled it like an aphrodisiac or a drug! While she cut my hair she told me about her personal experiences with the oils, how the Peace and Calming blend had helped her little son focus better in the classroom (verified by his teacher, who didn't know what Lisa had tried), and about her brother who'd been in a horrible accident, and how the oils had helped relieve his pain where no other meds could. And so much more.

I was both intrigued and skeptical. I wanted to learn more, to be sure it wasn't some kind of scam product. I soon learned that these little bottles of oil were supremely legit - used by the Beth Israel hospital to treat patients and by many other fine physicians around the world. They are purely organic and from the earth. Nature's bounty, carefully processed with the highest quality standards and organically produced. I fell in love with the oils, bought a starter kit with nine bottles (Peppermint, Lavender, Lemon, Frankincense, Purification, Thieves, Valor, Panaway, and Peace and Calming) and started to experiment to see what they'd do for me and my family.

That's when Peppermint Oil became a major part of my life. I learned that in addition to its many other properties (see list below), it was known to relieve headache pain. I applied a couple of drops to the nape of my neck, to my temples, and across my forehead - but not too close to my eyes, as this stuff is VERY concentrated and can make your eyes water. One drop of peppermint oil is a s strong as TWENTY cups of peppermint tea.

In less than ten minutes, my headache simply vanished. The relief lasted a few hours. I reapplied, and the same thing happened. I started to get all nervous because I was afraid to get too excited about something that affected such a huge problem. How could this work? Why would it work? I researched like mad, and found the whole essential oils story to be steeped in history - from ancient Egyptian practices to those mentioned in the Bible. Eastern cultures have used them for years, taking the goodness from plants, trees, and shrubs and using them to treat all sorts of conditions. I wore my peppermint into a Thai restaurant, and one of the servers, of Chinese heritage, said it smelled just like the "Chinese medicine" (oil) her family uses to rub on the forehead for headaches!

So it wasn't new. It just wasn't widely embraced *yet* but our Western world.

I don't go anywhere without my peppermint anymore. I just ordered two more 15ml bottles to be sure I don't run out. I keep it by my bedside, in the kitchen, in my car, and in my pocket. One bottle does last a long time, but now that I've found such a super solution I want it available all the time.

I've tried it on my cousin - her headache went away. My mom wanted to try it on her sciatica. I was skeptical that it would help, but now she sleeps every night pain free. She figured that one out on her own and just bought another bottle of it! She also says a dab of it on her forehead keeps the gnats away when she's gardening. She lives near a swamp and has TONS of those pesky things. I've met other oil lovers now (at expos and conventions) who have similar stories, accounts of peppermint (and the other oils) working wonders in their lives. My life has changed dramatically now, and everywhere I go, I suggest a different oil or combination to my friends. I guess you could say I'm newly obsessed, but in a good way.

And yes. I'm going to write a book about it!

***

I'm not a doctor. I don't claim that peppermint will work for everyone's headaches. But it's worth a try. If you're interested in getting a kit or a single bottle, here's my website:

http://aaronlazar.younglivingworld.com

(note: there's no "www" in the address!)

P.S. If you're interested, I recommend you sign up as a "distributor." I did. There's no pressure or obligation, you just get your future oil purchases at 24% off retail if you do. And then, if you fall for them like I did, you can share them with your friends at the same discount. (you also make a little money yourself for selling them, it's a legitimate business that many people actually make a very good living on!) Sort of like Avon products, but for your health and home. :o)

***

Here's a list of ways folks have used peppermint in the past:

o PEPPERMINT - (Mentha piperita) is one of the oldest and most highly regarded herbs for soothing digestion. Jean Valnet, M.D., studied peppermint's effect on the liver and respiratory systems. Dr. William N. Dember of the University of Cincinnati studied peppermint's ability to improve concentration and mental accuracy. Alan Hirsch, M.D., studied peppermint's ability to directly affect the brain's satiety center, which triggers a sense of fullness after meals. Peppermint is grown and distilled at the Young Living Farms.

· Put a drop of Peppermint on your tongue and/or one under your nose to increase alertness and concentration-very helpful if you're starting to feel tired when driving!

· Rub 4-6 drops over your stomach and around your navel to relieve indigestion.

· Add a drop of Peppermint oil to water or herbal tea to relieve heartburn or nausea.

· Massage several drops of Peppermint oil on an area of joint or muscle injury to reduce inflammation (around, but not directly on, an open wound).

· Rub several drops of Peppermint oil on the bottoms of your feet to reduce fever.

· Apply a drop of Peppermint oil topically on unbroken skin to stop itching.

· Inhale Peppermint oil before and during a workout to boost your mood and reduce fatigue.

· To relieve a headache rub a drop of Peppermint oil on your temples, forehead, over the sinuses (stay away from the eyes) and/or on the back of your neck.

· Diffuse Peppermint oil in the room while studying to improve concentration and accuracy; then inhale Peppermint oil while taking a test to improve recall.

· Place a drop of Peppermint oil on your tongue, or put a drop in your palm or on a tissue and simply inhale the aroma to relieve congestion from a cold or sinus problem.

· Add Peppermint oil to food as a flavoring and a preservative.

· To deter rats, mice, ants or cockroaches, smear a few drops of Peppermint oil along their path or point of entry to deter them.

· To kill aphids add 4-5 drops of Peppermint oil to 4 ounces of water and spray the plants.

· Drink a drop of Peppermint oil mixed in a glass of cold water to cool off on a hot day.

· Place a drop of Peppermint oil on the tongue to stop bad breath.

· Inhale the fragrance of Peppermint oil to curb the appetite and lessen the impulse to overeat.