Dialog Tags

When I first started writing over a decade ago, I exulted in every new dialog tag I could think up. I preened over “he croaked” and purred over “she grumbled.” Finding new and inventive ways to say “he said” became my quest.

My early works were peppered with gloats, murmurs, and barks. I even started a most coveted (only by me) list.

How many words can you think of to say “he said” or “she said?” Here are some, in no particular order:

Mumbled

Murmured

Expostulated

Grunted

Groaned

Whispered

Purred

Spat

Huffed

Croaked

Barked

Choked

Queried

Cackled

Harrumphed

Stuttered

Muttered

Moaned

Hissed

Grumbled

Whined

Sang

Twittered

Tittered

Griped

Yelped

Cried

Stammered

Shrieked

Crooned

Wheedled

Retorted

Pressured

Cajoled

How many more can you think of? There are probably hundreds.
...

Okay, now that you’ve wracked your brain for tantalizing tags, let me tell you one very important lesson.

DON’T * EVER * USE * THEM.

What? Such brilliance? Such innovative thought?

Yeah. Sorry. Forget it. Never use anything but “said,” “asked,” or an occasional “whisper” or “mumble.”

Once in a great while, if you feel you really need it, slip in a “spat” or “croaked.” But I’m here to tell you that dialog tags, for the most part, should be invisible. “Said,” is invisible. “Asked,” is invisible. “Barked” stops the flow of the dialog. Anything that makes your story stutter needs to be eliminated, including these juicy but totally distracting tags.

Got that part?

Now that I’ve encouraged you to use “said,” I’m going to retract it.

Forgive me, but that’s just the way it is. If you can avoid a tag altogether–through the clever use of action “beats”– then more power to you.

Here’s an example of changing a passage from lush useless tags, to he said/she said tags, to using beats instead of tags:

Case A

I maneuvered the van around the next pothole, and was about to congratulate myself for my superior driving skills when a series of washboard ruts nearly popped the fillings out of my teeth.

“Want me to take over?” Tony wheedled.

“Why? Am I making you nervous?" I retorted, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.

“Of course not, sweetums. You’re a great driver. Just thought you might want a break,” he crooned. We rounded the bend and the road disappeared. The crater before us could hold three elephants. Big elephants.
“Whoa! Watch it, honey. Don’t wanna blow a tire,” Tony groaned.

Case B

I maneuvered the van around the next pothole, and was about to congratulate myself for my superior driving skills when a series of washboard ruts nearly popped the fillings out of my teeth.

“Want me to take over?” Tony said, leaning on the dashboard.

“Why? Am I making you nervous?” I said with a frown.

All smiles, he said, “Of course not, sweetums. You’re a great driver. Just thought you might want a break.”

We rounded the bend and the road disappeared. The crater before us could hold three elephants. Big elephants.

“Whoa! Watch it, honey. Don’t wanna blow a tire,” Tony said in a panic.

***

Case C

I maneuvered the van around the next pothole, and was about to congratulate myself for my superior driving skills when a series of washboard ruts nearly popped the fillings out of my teeth.

Tony braced himself on the dash. “Want me to take over?”

My knuckles turned white. “Why? Am I making you nervous?”

“Of course not, sweetums.” He forced an innocent smile. “You’re a great driver. Just thought you might want a break.”

We rounded the bend and the road disappeared. The crater before us could hold three elephants. Big elephants.

Tony’s frozen smile barely hid his panic. “Whoa! Watch it, honey. Don’t wanna blow a tire.”

***
These examples aren’t beautifully written or perfectly rendered. But they should give you the gist of what I’m trying to illustrate today.

Add your own examples below, if you’d like. Let’s see some Case A, B, and C’s in the comments section!